One Foot First

Seek Within

By Stacey On April 28, 2013 · Add Comment

“Everything in the Universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” - Rumi

I love watching people. The way they move. The expressions on their faces. I like to listen to the words they speak, while hearing everything that is unsaid. I see the pain behind their eyes. I recognize the joy that they’ve hidden away in their hearts for safe keeping. I am fascinated by human beings. Through them, I see me.

Every person in your life offers you a glimpse of your true self. The person who irritates you most, is holding a mirror, reflecting the nature of you. Genius in another can only be identified by those who posses the same brilliance.

This may sound like rubbish. You may not believe it and you don’t have to. But I offer you to sit with the thought for a little while. Look at it from behind. Underneath. Out front. Overhead.

Think about the people in your life and how they make you feel. Look within to see the parts of them that resonate in you.

Connection is visceral. It may appear to be external, but relationships begin within.

Every person in your life is there by invitation. You have extended an offer (maybe unintentionally) for these people to inhabit your physically and emotional space. You are the reason that they’re here and why they stay.

You are not separate from your environment. All that “is” and ever “was” resides inside of you. You are comprised of the molecules that make up the stars that light up the night sky. Your being is designed by the very same atoms that are responsible for the vastness of the ocean. You are everything and everything is you.

The answers to every question that you could ever ask is inside of you. There isn’t a single solution to be discovered outside of your own being. Life is essentially a journey in self-discovery. That is HUGE!

What do you want to know?

Who do you want to be?

How far are you willing to go to become your best self?

Seek within.

Trust is not what you think it is

By Stacey On March 17, 2013 · 2 Comments

I often hear people refer to trust as something that occurs outside of themselves. A transaction that takes place between two or more people. We’ve been conditioned to think that people must “earn” our trust.

But I don’t believe the hype.

I don’t think that we have to trust other people at all. Sounds crazy, but I’ve got your attention.

☞ Merriam Webster: trust |trəst|(noun)- assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

☞ Translation – trusting someone simply means having faith that a person will be exactly who they are.

Even the best liar will inevitably reveal his/her true nature, if you pay attention. Understand that ones true nature is often unspoken. It is not revealed through the words that they speak, but in the nuances of their actions and the palpability of their energy. Nobody can hide who they really are.

Your job is to be true to you. That means accepting the veracity of one’s character, even when it’s shady. Indeed the people we love have flaws in their character, as we all do. Our flaws give us a starting point for growth.

There is never a question of whether or not someone can or should be trusted. It’s only a matter of determining if their truth is aligned with yours. It’s that simple. And it’s okay if it doesn’t.

The truth will be your compass. It will always guide you exactly where you want and need to go, providing that you “trust” it to do just that. You are hardwired with instincts to discern honesty. No effort. No judgement. Just feel.

This post is part of the Soul Salon, a monthly discussion of the topics that move our Spirit. For a list of all the Soul Salon posts check out the full line up here.

Guilt has a big mouth

By Stacey On March 10, 2013 · Add Comment

You ever notice that when people feel guilty (especially if they’re lying) they get the worse case of verbal diarrhea? All of a sudden they begin to answer questions that you haven’t even asked. Their heart begins to race, beads of sweat pepper their brow, and any attempt at a smile seems unnaturally forced. Guilt has a very BIG mouth.

The truth is such a comfort. It never partners with guilt. It doesn’t change its mind or its story. You can count on truth to be the same today and always.

But most of all truth also knows when to shut up the hell up! It will never drone on and on. It says what needs to be said and puts a nice period (.) at the end, right where it belongs.

I invite you to be a speaker of truth. Stand on the front line of veracity. Let the facts speak for themselves (they always do). Telling the truth removes the guess work. It’s effortless and doesn’t require extra space in your memory.

The truth feels good to every cell in your body. You will know it when you speak it. You will know when you hear it. You will know it when you’re living it.

Make the truth your ally. Partner with the truth. The truth will hold you accountable. The truth will stand by you, unfaultering. The truth will provide shelter in the midst of life’s storms. “The truth will set you free.“

Radical Selfish T.L.C.

By Stacey On February 17, 2013 · 4 Comments

“To thine own self be true” – William Shakespeare

February is the month when Cupid gets to spread love far and near. Roses are plucked and arranged by the truckload. Chocolate gets melted, molded, and devoured. Men everywhere are given a golden opportunity to buy their way out of the proverbial dog house.

This year I decided that February would take on an entirely different meaning. This year February is all about loving and taking care of me. Why should I wait for someone else to give me the thing that I desire most?

Self-love is highly underrated. I believe that we could all use some radical, selfish, T-L-C. Imagine how much happier everyone would be if they felt loved and appreciated.

The people we love are not always available to give us what we so desperately need. Sometimes they’re busy, they have their own stuff to deal with, and sometimes they just don’t feel like it. In the big scheme of things, love of any kind begins within.

So what can you do to love and care for you? Whatever feels good!

Go to a movie – alone
Get a mani/pedi
Have a cup of tea
Take a bubble bath
Do nothing

Only you can decide what makes you feel cared for. There is no wrong choice here, whatever floats your boat. Make a list of things you enjoy and then work through the list.

For me, taking care of myself is about creating a space where it’s all about me. Last week I scheduled a massage, and it turned out to be the best 60 minutes I have had in a very long time. I walked out feeling rejuvenated, relaxed, and alive! A few days later, I took myself out to lunch, which is something I don’t do often enough. I only had a grilled cheese sandwich, but it wasn’t about what I ate, it was about the act of making time for myself.

Life is a busy business. It’s easy to get caught up in the doing, so much so that you forget about being. If you don’t take care of yourself, there is no way that you’ll be able to take care of others. You are the center of your own Uni-verse and your life only works with you in it. Make yourself a priority. Put you first.

This post is part of the Soul Salon, a monthly discussion of the topics that move our Spirit. For a list of all the Soul Salon posts check out the full line up here.

Relationship: Party of Three?

By Stacey On February 17, 2013 · Add Comment

Traditionally speaking, most romantic relationships are between two people. Or are they? I believe that there is always a third party involved. Party number three is usually uninvited, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can choose your own third wheel, or go with the default. Just know that the nature of your relationship hinges on your choice.

Intrigued? You can read all about it on Veranda Lane. Click here and be sure to leave a comment!

The beauty of imperfection

By Stacey On February 3, 2013 · Add Comment

“You’re imperfect and you are hardwired for struggle, but you are worthy of love.” - Brene Brown

This is one of my favorite quotes, not because it’s so profound, but because it’s so true. Even still it took me a long time to really get this. On a fundamental level I have always understood that I’m imperfect (we all are), but that did not stop me from striving for perfection (a.k.a. trying to be something that I’m not).

Even more than accepting that I am imperfect, which is a struggle in itself, believing that I was worthy of love, was even more of a stretch.

So much about what we know about love, is not only a reflection of our environment, but also a collection of our experiences. In an ideal world, we would all grow up in homes where love was freely expressed, where we were taught to love and honor ourselves, but the world is imperfect – just like we are. These imperfections create the perfect environment for struggle, while also generating the ideal habitat for surrender.

Grace is found in the surrender. When we surrender the idea of perfection and accept the beauty of imperfection, we free ourselves from the shackles of false expectation (which is often the source of the struggle).

This is easier said than done, I know. There is no surrender without struggle. There is no perfection without imperfection. Alas, suffering is part of the gig. There is no avoiding it. Nobody gets through this life without struggle, no matter how good things look from the outside. But it is entirely possible to acquire the tools to travel with the luxury of enjoying the journey.

The most important tool in your arsenal will be self-love. When you are able to love yourself, you can conquer anything. The first step in the self-love process is accepting yourself as you are, letting go of “who you think you’re supposed to be.”

If life truly happens in order, that means you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, right now. There are no alternate endings in real life. No rewind and no fast forwards either (thank goodness). Stop stressing about what happened in the past, let go of your projections of the future, and be here, right where you are.

The present has some really good stuff to share with you. You will meet people who will help you through the tough parts. Paths that look like dead ends are sometimes just the “road less traveled.” Maybe you were meant to pave your own path. Perhaps you were destined to blaze the trail for others just like you.

Give yourself a chance to surprise you. You’re not supposed to know it all, besides what would be the fun in that? Life unfolds right before our eyes, one imperfect surprise after another.

Suggested reading:

The Gifts of imperfection

by Brene Brown

Setting the Intention

By Stacey On January 21, 2013 · 3 Comments

One of my girlfriends has been encountering some resistance from one of her co-workers lately. They were joking and she made what she thought was an innocent comment and he went ballistic on her. The comment wasn’t personal and it didn’t relate to him directly at all, yet he was completely offended, so much so that he has since stopped speaking to her altogether.

My friend didn’t take well to this. Her response was to be quiet. Only saying what was necessary. No engagement. No small talk. And she hates it.

So here’s what I told her:

“Intention makes the difference. As long as your intention is aligned, you do not need to censor yourself.”

So this conversation got me thinking, what does intention mean to me? According to Merriam (Webster that is), an intention is a “determination to act in a certain way.” In other words to be deliberate.

I wish I could say that I am always clear on my intention, but that’s not true. But what is true is this, everything is better when your intentions are clear. Conversations are more captivating, goals are achievable, and obstacles appear smaller. When you have an idea of where you’d like to go, things start to fall in place.

Dr. Wayne Dyer explains intention as “a force in the Universe that allows the action of creation to take place.” He describes intention as an energy that is a part of every single one of us. I absolutely love that concept! That means that by taking deliberate action we can co-create the experience of our lives. We hold the power to manifest our dreams by setting the intention to do so.

Intention setting doesn’t have to be hard, it doesn’t have to be a long drawn out process. You don’t have to set your intention every second of the day, you can do it first thing in the morning. Something as simple as “today I’m going to be positive and productive.” That’s all there is to it.

Now back to my friend….

Her intention was not to upset her coworker. They were mutually participating in a conversation, when something stuck a nerve for him. That’s all. She apologized (even though she is not really sure what she did wrong) and that’s where her responsibility ends. People get offended, we all do. All she can do now is continue live with an open heart and make her intentions clear.

This post is part of the Soul Salon, a monthly discussion of the topics that move our Spirit. For a list of all the Soul Salon posts check out the full line up here.

Accidentally on Purpose

By Stacey On January 6, 2013 · 1 Comment

Sometimes life can appear so random. Some of the most profound moments of my life appeared to come out of nowhere, completely by happenstance, or so it seemed. Do you think that life happens by accident or on purpose?

I believe that life happens exactly in order. I think that every moment of my life has been perfectly orchestrated to enhance my experience. But what about tragedy, suffering, and pain, you ask? Well I think that’s in order too.

In any given moment you are either teaching, learning, or both (teachers often learn from the things they teach). While teaching may not be your formal vocation, you are indeed an educator, we all are. You not only teach with your words and actions, but your life is a lesson as well. Everything that you say and do makes an impact. You’re leaving an indelible mark on the world… scary huh?

The thing is, we don’t always know what the right thing to do is. Our free will gives us plenty of latitude, so it stands to reason that some of our choices will not lead us in the best direction. But there is so much to learn from getting it wrong. In fact there is often more to learn from messing it up than getting it right (trust me on this, I have tested the theory, many times).

I don’t think the Universe puts much stock into whether we’re right or wrong, the only thing that truly matters is the lesson. What are you meant to learn from this situation?

My life has been riddled with misadventure. For the longest time I felt like I was just stumbling through. But then something miraculous happens when I finally learn the lesson. Like magic, everything starts to go my way (mostly).

Some lessons are real bruisers. By the time you learn them you’re banged up, beat down, and ready to throw in the towel. It’s normal to feel that way and it’ll pass (if you can learn the art of letting go). The point I’m trying to make is, life is not about what happens to you, it’s about what happens for you. The lessons are there for you. A gift from the divine to aid in your self-evolution. If the lesson doesn’t seem like a gift at first, wait a while, it’s brilliance will sparkle soon enough.

Life is one beautiful oxymoron… happening Accidentally on Purpose!

Photos from Microsoft Clip Art gallery

A few things about procrastination

By Stacey On December 15, 2012 · Add Comment

pro•cras•ti•nate - verb [intrans]: delay or postpone action; put off doing something.

I have a tendency toward procrastination. It is not unusual for me to postpone things that need to be done for days on end. Does this ever happen to you?

I am certain that I am not the only one. But even knowing that I am not alone, this dreaded affliction has begun to trouble me. See the things that I am currently putting off are not just regular run-of-the-mill, need to be done kind of things. The stuff that I am slacking on at present, are things that I really want to do. The stuff that dreams are made of. The kind of things that will change my life for the better. So why am I resting on my laurels you ask? One word… FEAR.

I am completely convinced that fear is procrastinations road dog. Fear not only rides shotgun with procrastination, but it holds that map and dictates the direction. Before I can get past procrastination, I have to get past fear, first.

The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. There is no worst case scenario. This can only play out one of two ways. I’ll either accomplish my goal or I will learn a lesson. Win.. win.

I’ll bet the things that you procrastinate about aren’t much different:

Laundry: If you do the laundry today all your clothes will be clean and/or you’ll find the mates to all the socks you’re missing. Win… win.

Breaking Up: If you end the relationship that you know has run its course you will either feel immediately liberated or finally figure out that he wasn’t that into you in the first place. Win… win.

Work related: If you finish that project you’ve been working on for a week, you’ll get it off your desk and/or your boss will get off your back. Win… win.

Procrastination is never the problem. Like most things it’s simply a matter of perspective. Take a look at the thing you’re avoiding (that’s right kids, another word for procrastination is avoidance… which is another blog post entirely). Think about the worse case scenario (there probably won’t be one). And no matter what you come up with… do it anyway.

Take care of it.

Get it done.

You’re going to totally free up your time and clear out your head too. Two birds. One stone.

Once you’ve looked that monkey in the eye, you’ll not only breathe a sigh of relief, but you’ll kick yourself for not doing it earlier.

Photos from Microsoft Clip Art gallery

Practicing Gratitude – Everyday

By Stacey On November 23, 2012 · Add Comment

This is the time of year to give thanks, right? I mean that’s what Thanksgiving is all about, isn’t it? Well I’m here to challenge that notion, not because I don’t believe in gratitude, but because I think it is should be practiced all year-long.

I often find my heart swelling with gratitude for no good reason. While standing sipping tea at the kitchen counter, gratitude will seep into my bones, warming me up from the inside out. Or while speeding down the highway, sunroof open, sun kissing my cheeks – in steps gratitude, causing me to break out in song, smiling from ear to ear (which often results in crazy stares from neighboring vehicles).

When you exist in the space where gratitude is not a seasonal occasion, but an everyday experience, the world looks and feels different. This is not just my own opinion by the way. A study conducted by Robert A. Emmons (UC Davis) and Michael E. McCullough (Univ. of Miami) found that people who recorded 5 things they were grateful for (in very short sentences) once a week, were more optimistic and felt happier after a two month period. Another study done at the University of Kentucky actually found that gratitude actually reduces agression.

There is no denying that practicing gratitude can change your life, for the better. Gratitude will transform thoughts of scarcity into abundance, impatience into tolerance, and greed into generosity.

When I sent out my holiday text message yesterday, I invited everyone to practice gratitude everyday from now on. Will you accept the challenge?

Photos from Microsoft Clip Art gallery